Without My Abilities, Am I Worthless?

This post was written by TeenPact Student Body Representative Chloe Carlson of Texas.

I was driving down the road on a blazing hot summer day a few months ago, listening to a podcast when the speaker of the show asked his guest two questions that I desperately needed to hear. He said, “if you were to strip yourself of the ability to be a social chameleon, what underlying emotion would you be left to deal with? What are you preventing yourself from feeling by acting for a crowd?” 

Too many thoughts and emotions hit me from past struggles in my life that it took me a good hour to formulate any sort of answer to this deep-rooted question. Not only did I feel personally attacked by the host of this podcast, but I also felt the Lord holding me close in his hands. I was immediately comforted by the memory of Galatians 1:10 which says,

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” 

This verse is not foreign to me, and this lesson of identity is not new. The part that was becoming more real to me, was how I was using confidence as a coping mechanism in my life to prevent my heart from feeling weighty feelings of shame and unworthiness. When you look at boldness and confidence, especially in a healthy context, it does not seem like anything is needing fixing. Turning the tables, however, and recognizing the pain you feel in the absence of your crutch, paints an easier-to-understand picture of the depths of human sickness. I started asking myself, “Who am I apart from my confidence, my boldness, my relatability, my friends?”

Who am I apart from my confidence, my boldness, my relatability, my friends?

The part that hurt me the most to realize, was while I was trying to fix my problems, I was putting cheap bandages over a deep wound. We talk frequently about the influence we have on the people around us, and how we have the greatest influence on our brothers, sisters, and even our parents because they are the people we spend the most time with. According to this logic, that means that you are the most influential person in your life because you are the person who talks to you the most. You cannot shut your mind off for two seconds, you are always talking inwardly, always thinking. Now, the question I am asking you to think about is what kind of gospel are you preaching to yourself? Is it the one that says,

“You are loved, you are chosen, you are a child of God. When we deserved nothing, He gave us eternal life and took the punishment that we deserved on the cross, uttering the words ‘it is finished’ once and for all. Hallelujah, thank you, Jesus.” 

Or do you still live a life that says, 

“it is not finished, I am not worthy.” 

I know myself, but I know that my struggles are not everyone’s struggles, so I spent several days calling my friends. I asked them to be honest with themselves and share their situations with me. Here is what a few of them came up with:

“Without my productivity, I feel worthless”

“Without my success, I feel worthless”

“Without my abilities, I feel worthless”

“Without my busyness, I feel lonely”

“Without my friends, I feel lonely”

“Without my relatability, I feel lonely”

“Without my relatability, I feel unloveable”

“Without my understanding, I fear others opinions”

“Without my experiences, I feel purposeless”

“Without my ability to express, I feel confined”

“Without my humorous nature, I feel unwanted”

“Without my ability to learn, I feel meaningless”

“Without my knowledge, I fear the unknown”

“Because I am afraid of being angry, I am as easy-going as I can”

Here is the crazy thing about this list, what would it look like to go from relying on these earthly abilities and character traits to putting full faith in the Lord? Let’s rely on the Lord when we feel unworthy, purposeless, unloveable, unwanted, lonely, meaningless, confined, or any feeling that is not from God. And trust the Lord when we fear the unknown, the opinions of others, or feel angry at our circumstances. 

Let’s rely on the Lord when we feel any feeling that is not from God

 Let’s stop mending deep wounds, feelings, and fears that we have with cheap bandaids that fall off too easily, and start embracing healing, growth, and restored identity through the Lord. 

What kind of gospel have you been preaching to yourself?

Student Body Representative Chloe Carlson